Insensitive

A feeling of sad
A feeling of mad
Maybe I am what I was, mad
If not, then so
I shall speak with flow
To no other man
Then the one I see in my front

As pale as a ghost
I see him staring back
Is there a reason for this happiness lack?
Are you vexed? Are you alright?
I ask and I plea to know the answer
For this man’s staring
I shall cause disaster
To put an expression on this one man’s face
But maybe first I should be introduced
That could be the case
I lay my hand out for him to grab and shake
He does the same, but does not take
So I put my hand to his
And say, “How do you do?”
“It is not the matter of how well I am, Sir.
For it all depends on you.
Are you well today?”

A small crooked smile is flashed to me
I try to pull my hand free
He holds on tight, locking his eyes with mine
“Well…” he says, “that’s fine.
You can pull and tug
But that won’t help”
He reaches to his back pocket
And pulls out a rope
“Now please don’t make this hard for us,
You know that in the end I’ll win the fuss”
I took the rope and secured it tight
Stepped on my chair
He whispered, “Goodnight”

Recollection

Tears filled my eyes as we said our good-byes. Leaving Canada was always hard for me. I hated crying when people were around; it proved that I wasn’t brave. I gave my grandmother a hug and kissed her on the cheek. She held me two seconds more than I needed. I pulled away, hoping that my watery eyes hadn’t betrayed me and I was still in control of them. Nanny held her arms out to me again asking for another hug, but I told her I needed to get going.
“I might not see you again, this might be the last time I see you Ranya”, she said to me. My face reddened, my eyebrows pushed down, my lips felt heavy. Barely able to get the words out of my mouth, I said, “I know you will be here, I am going to see you next summer”. A tear strolled down my face. I had never believed that she was sick. Even after my mom had told me that she had been diagnosed with cancer. Nanny had had her large intestines removed and in its place was a bag attached to her by a tube.

December 20th, Nanny is getting worse and is in the hospital. She started chemotherapy; slowly losing hair. Christmas is just five days away and Dalia’s birthday just two. Nobody is much in the celebrating mood except for Dalia. She is turning nine and wants a big party. My dad is on a business trip, so it’s up to me and my mom to organize everything.
Dalia’s birthday party was on the night of December 22. Balloons flying everywhere, kids screaming and chasing each other, the sound of laughter sweetening the air; nothing could have gone wrong. And best of all, an honest smile on Dalia’s face. She blew her candles out, her happiness showing through her sparkling eyes; but she forgot to make her wish…
Next morning we awake to the smell of freshly baked Christmas cookies mixed with the aroma of cinnamon and apples. Presents covering the floor and wrapping paper lying in a pile. Dalia was eating cookie dough, Hisham watching The Grinch, and I was in the kitchen rolling the dough, proudly helping my mom make the cookies. Then the phone rang…
“Hello? Yes...” I heard my mom saying into the speaker. Her face suddenly went pale. As she thanked the person on the other end of the line and put the phone down, she turns to me. A light, sad smile crosses her face, eyes big and warming, she calmly says, “Nanny is in a better place now”. My heart dropped. A heavy something clogged my throat. All the fun that I had had yesterday left my mind. I began to cry, the sadness numbing my limbs.

Nothing else running through my mind but, I should have held on to you longer, I should have listened.

Bright Red Rose
Healthy and Fine
Becomes Wilting Red Rose
In A Short Period of Time
Hold onto That Rose
And Treasure It Deep
Forever My Rose
I Want To Keep

Dedicated to Edith Stammer, Forever shall I love.

Breaking Free

Trapped
Forcing in breaths
Too tired to move
With every lifted arm
Comes a tired grunt
What have I become
All I can do is sit
And then eat some
Can’t even sleep
Carrying a heap
The time has come
The night is done
I will get up, I will move
Somehow I have to prove
I can and I will shed these layers
Slowly I lift
My legs shift
One after the other
The air so sweet
But yet so heavy
Oh dear seat!
Maybe I wasn’t ready
My heart is racing
My limbs are burning
The grass between my toes lacing
Calls to me in a tone of luring
The sun rising behind the trees
Tells me, “Keep going, please”
I know I’m almost there
I don’t need that ugly chair!
I feel the sweat dribble down my face
Soon I’ll be free of this heavy case
To the tree I arrive
My body not yet satisfied
Another round I go
Weighing a pound for each toe
But I don’t stop
My legs just drop
I feel the wind on my cheek
As my tears begin to seep
I have made it, I have moved.

Scarred

Mentally confused. Mad. Crazy. Lunatic. Ill. Psycho. Nutty. Troubled. A few words to describe what I was, or am. You see, the human brain divides into many parts. A part of it might control the thinking, the other transmits signals, comprehends information, remembers, but there is one little part of the brain which holds your insanity. But nobody is born crazy, something has to activate it. Different things trigger your insanity. Scientifically, once triggered, you have a psychopathic condition – which technically is a distraction of the mind from reality. How I know this you may ask? Well I, myself, have been through it before…
Walking outside, breathing the fresh air, feeling so free, I never knew that being alone sometimes could make me feel happy. Relaxed. I’m usually surrounded by groups of people, always filled with noise and laughter. I love the attention, I practically live for the attention. My phone’s always ringing, I always have mail, and I never run out of people to talk to. Everyone supports me. I like to think of myself as a friendly person, someone who everyone wants to be around. But what I really am, and I have to admit, I am a narcissist. A jealous person. But I like to keep my secrets to myself, therefore no one has to know the real me. It isn’t a crime to have secrets, I don’t know why everyone considers it to be very unhealthy, but one must have a few untold secrets. Even though I am very young, I am also very independent. I don’t rely on others to do things for me. Walking on the side of the road, I see a bench. I take a rest. Looking up at the wide blue surface above me, I like to let my mind wander, how is it possible to create such a beautiful image. Flawless. Bright, blue, and clear. I turn my gaze over to my side and find a man, most likely to be as young as I am. He says, “ Nice day, isn’t it?” I say,” Yeah, I’ve never been out on such a pretty day like this.”
“ I come out for a walk every day, I love the quiet , and I always sit on this bench, Mystery, I call it. Being out here gets you thinking about what is still out there, just waiting to be discovered. Yup, it’s a mystery. You come from near here?” he asks me. “Yeah I live with my parents, they live right up the hill, on the right, my father does business and he rather have me home than out on my own, he’s a little old fashoin. I’m going to be starting at Oakwood University. You? “ I reply. He answers, “ I’ll be going there too. I just moved in with my grandparents this summer, but I haven’t seen you around. Well I guess I’ll be seeing you a lot more now. “ He flashes an amazing smile, with perfect pearl white teeth. At that second, my heart sunk straight into my chest. I knew I was in love. I excused myself and left. No matter what I did that day, I couldn’t get him off my mind. There was something about him that just made me feel like I was able to jump up and reach the clouds, without any worry of falling back down. So the next day, I went for a walk again.
On that bench, I find him sitting. We talk, laugh, get to know each other. I go the day after, and the one after that. Then it became a routine. Every day, I went out for a walk and met Rob. We talked. And every day we would stay out longer than the day before. He is a friendly man, young and handsome. So funny, but yet really intelligent. Three weeks had passed, and I am still meeting him every day at that bench, but now, I do believe we have become more than just friends. I haven’t spoken to any of my other friends since my first encounter with Rob. But I don’t care. He is worth every second of my life. When I’m not with him, I’m on the phone with him. We write to each other, even though we know we’re going to see each other the next day.
College started. We didn’t have any classes together. But we were always together afterwards. I tried to look my best every day. I wanted to impress him. My parents were getting a little suspicious about me being out so late. But I just told them, i had to be at the library or with a friend or whatever came to my mind first. They believed it for a while. My dad, being the type of man who needs to have his daughter close to him, couldn’t stand me being out all day. Next day, when I get home, my dad doesn’t pay me any attention. As soon as my mother leaves for the gym, my dad calls me into his room for a talk. He asks me to take a seat, then locks the door.
“What did I just do?” he asks. “Lock the door.” I reply. He says,” What’s in my hands?” I say, “ The key.” He says,” Now you can’t run.” I sit there, staring at him, nothing on my mind. Never in my life have I been so afraid of my father. “What’s lying on the bed?” he asks. I turn my head, and find nothing. Nothing is on the bed, except for an old leather belt. Then it hits me in the face, I know what he means. I take in a breath and calmly say,” A belt”. He grabs it in his hands, sweeping it through his fingers. I hear the sound of the leather slide through his hands. He says,” I know what’s been going on, so you either tell me, or I’ll tell you.” I must have looked so stupid sitting there clueless, thinking has he lost his mind? He announces,” You were with a boy, and I know you weren’t only being friendly. I had someone follow you, they took a few pictures.” My mouth was practically wide enough to stuff ten donuts into it. He says,” It’s true isn’t it? You know how we don’t like this. Your mother and I specifically told you that you are not allowed to date. Only friends. But do you listen? No. And you go behind my back.” Then he starts to get louder,” How stupid do you think I am?! You think I would have never found out about this? I’m smarter than you. You just started college. You’re a stupid animal!” He’s yelling now, and I’m shaking, I had no idea he would react like this. I start,” But I...” a huge slap is flung straight across my face. I sit there, dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. He picks up the belt, I start to tear. My own father. Why is he doing this to me? He lifts the belt high above his head, spits on my face, and slaps it down hard on me. I squeal. He says,” If you say anything, or try to run away, I’ll tie you to the bed with your hair and finish this up, and then you’ll be heading to the hospital in pieces”. I keep quiet while he throws another one on me, then another. He starts to tremble and cry. But he doesn’t stop he keeps going till it reaches ten. He steps away from me for a second, wipes his face, unlocks the door, and tells me to get the hell out of there. I get up and walk away, he grabs me, hits me in the head, then pushes me away. I go straight to my room. I sit on my bed, my eyes wide open with not even a tear in them, ignoring the pain, I can’t believe what just happened. My mother runs in my room fifteen minutes later, with a bunch of ice packs in her hands. She hovers over me like a mama bird hovers over her little birds. She begins to ask questions, then I break down. You would think that after how much I cry that my body would be out of water, but it keeps coming. I beg her to take me away. To let me be on my own; I was pretty sure I was old enough. She and my father did not talk. I hate him. Every part of me hates every bit of him. As I lie in my bed, all I can think about is how it all happened. It keeps replaying in my head. His cold bitter face looking at me, speaking to me. The belt. The belt. The belt. His trembling in the hands, tearing, yelling! It starts to get louder and louder! I put my hands to my ears and curl up in a ball.
Shadows on the wall remind me of him getting closer to hit me again. A little noise makes me jump, I don’t feel safe in my bed. I feel restless. Numb. I can’t move a single part of my body. I have no idea what I am in for next. I cry and sing myself to sleep. I wake up, not forgetting what had happened, remembering every detail of it. I can’t think straight. I have to go to college though, maybe it will distract me. I feel like I am not part of the world anymore. Like everyone and everything is ignoring me, nothing wants to touch me, and no one wants to talk to me. I don’t pay attention in class. My chest feels like it is swollen and overflowing with water. Leaving class, I couldn’t pull myself together. Everything I see makes me cry. I decide to skip a few, and go for a walk alone. I make it all the way up to that bench. Oh, the bench which holds all my secrets and stories. Mystery. Yes. But the mystery has been solved. On the bench was Rob, and someone else. A woman, tall, thin. Beautiful. She is in some of my classes. Amanda is her name. I walk up to them; don’t even smile. Rob pulls me aside. Without asking about me or my day, he tells me,” I don’t like you anymore. I’m with Amanda now. But this doesn’t mean we can’t be friends”.
I fall to the ground. Breaking down in tears. I know I haven’t said a word all day so it felt weird speaking, “ Stay away from me! It’s all your fault! Then you leave me when I’m at my worst! Just back off!” I rock myself back and forth, taking in broken breaths, and my eyes burning. Rob steps away slowly, grabs Amanda’s hand, and leaves. The belt! The belt! It won’t leave me alone. I try shaking my head to get it out. I pull my hair. But it won’t stop, and it keeps getting louder and louder! One of my old friends walks by, and sees me. She runs to me, she can see I’m not doing well. Hugs me tight until I calm down. Then she drives me home, and speaks with my mother. I can hear their whispers, and their silent chuckles. They’re laughing at me, I know it. My mother walks in, and tells me that I have an appointment with a psychiatrist. I refuse and break down again. She walks over and rubs my back, I shove her away, tell her I hate her for not helping me. I mumble to myself, “Why does everyone hate me? What have I done?”
The sun begins to set. I can see the belt . It’s on the walls again. I grab the compass that was lying on the counter next to me and hold it up, prepared for whatever’s coming. The belt! Its happening again. The hit across the face, the yelling! Stop! I want it to stop! I stab the compass into my left arm and dig it deep into my flesh, then drag it across. It’s still there! I stab myself again. My arm begins to throb. The feeling is a bit enjoyable. The image in my head begins to fade. I lie on my bed breathless, enjoying the quiet, my arm bleeding on the sheets.
When my mother finds the cuts on my arm, I am forced to see a shrink. I am left alone with Dr.Barbara for an hour. I did not speak. I don’t like to talk about my problems. But she begins to question. She starts off strong, “How did you feel when your dad hit you with his belt?” . Belt. The belt! My eyes get red. I can feel them burn. I look up at the clock, and there remains thirty-five minutes. I can hear the ticking of the clock, Dr.Barbara’s breathing. Tick-tock, one-two. In and out , three and four. I start to shake my legs, I stare up at the wall. On it, hangs a ribbon. So smooth and soft, behind it a shadow of something familiar. Long and dark. My lips begin to quiver. My hands are on fire. I yell, “Stop!” But it just won’t stop. She keeps on throwing questions at me, each one puts me more and more deeper into my memory. I can’t help it, I walk out.
Days go by, and all I do is sit in my room and cry. Rock back and forth sometimes. I enjoy the quiet until the sun goes down. Then I don’t feel safe and the same scene replays in my head a hundred times. “Severe anxiety…” the doctor announces. I was mentally destroyed. Yes, I know, it sounds ridiculous that because of one little thing, my entire mental state is ruined.
Two weeks pass, and still neither me or my mother is talking to Dad. He is lying on the couch as I walk by, he says to me,” You deserved everything you got.” I walk into my room, lie down on my bed and begin to shake, like the world’s biggest earth quake is happening right inside of me. I start to struggle for air, my head feels light, and my ears blocked. I think of nothing. Nothing but the sound of belt slipping through his fingers, his harsh face staring at me, and then one – two – three – ten! I start to scream. My mother runs in. I get up without saying a word, walk right past her, and head downstairs. I sit at our grand piano and begin to play. I let my pain and agony flow right through my hands into my fingers then onto the piano. All night long, I sat there playing. I felt something I haven’t felt in a long time, power. Power to control myself. Power over everything around me. Power.

Thoughts in Canda # 1

I arrived in Canada on Sunday afternoon. Lots of family were there to greet us. My sister, brother, and I were not jet lagged at all, however my parents were. My dad, not always in the best mood. I don't miss Saudi much, but I do miss the people there. Always thinking of my language arts teacher, Miss Natalie. I miss her a lot. I took one of my essays with me to Canada because nobody believes that we actually study and speak English here, and they were all surprised. I do believe that I am a better writer than many kids my age here in Canada.
I'm not having much fun yet. I'm waiting for someone special to leave, 'cause unfortunately that person is the one that spoils all the fun. Although next week I'm off to camp Edphy for two weeks. Dalia's only going for one. It's an overnight camp. I can't wait - two weeks of freedom!
I still read a lot. Almost finished the novel by Michael Connelly, No Time for Goodbye. It's really good. I've just been really bored lately and decided to update my blog. I don't have much to write though...

In my cousin's bedroom, Canada, July 22, 2009

Reaching Enlightenment: Buddhism

Ranya Barayan

Language Arts 2009

Introduction

Religion is so powerful that it shapes the world in many respects. The most common religions are Islam, Christianity, and Judaism, but there are many other religions practiced world wide; one such is Buddhism. Buddhism's origins come from the Far East. According to World Fact Book (2008) it is the sixth most widely practiced religion in the world with over 376 million followers. Buddhism is also known by many as the most peaceful religion in the world. Buddhists follow the teachings of Buddha or Siddhartha Gautama, the founder of Buddhism, and is therefore worshiped by the Buddhists as their god. Buddhism, like other religions, shapes the way its followers live in terms of lifestyle, eating habits, and overall culture. “To do no evil; To cultivate good; To purify one's mind; This is the teaching of the Buddhas” (BBC, 2009). This research will discuss Buddha and the country of his origin, the basic core foundations, the implications, and the after-life.

According to a BBC World Report (2009) and Web Space Ship Report (Dr. Boeree, 2009) Buddha was born into a tribe called Nepal in 566 BC. Buddha or Siddhartha, a wealthy prince in Sakya, Siddhartha, and having everything, never knew what suffering felt like. At the age of twenty-nine, he decided to seek the meaning of suffering. He sat under a tree called the Bodhi tree and meditated for hours. In May, during a full moon, Siddhartha became the enlightened one. From then on Siddhartha was called Buddha. The Bodhi tree was now known as the tree of awakening. Buddha spent forty-five years teaching his new religion to the the world. Buddhists, rather than worshiping one or more Gods, center around the timeless importance of teaching Buddhism. The Buddha died at the age of eighty; 486 BC. His last words, according to experts and historians were, “Impermanent are all created things; strive on with awareness” (BBC, 2009).


Four Noble Truths

During his meditations, according to BBC (2009), Buddha discovered what are called, The Four Noble Truths, the first of which is suffering. Suffering comes in many forms such as aging, sickness, and death, and according to Buddha, suffering goes beyond that. No matter what we do, we are still not satisfied. This is the truth of suffering.
The second noble truth is the truth of the origin of suffering which states that the root of all suffering is desire. This comes in three forms called The Three Fires or The Three Roots of Evil. The three fires include: greed and desire, ignorance and delusion, hatred and destructed urges.

The second noble truth also describes The Fire Sermon which is when the eye is burning, forms are burning, eye-consciousness is burning, eye-contact is burning, also whatever is felt pleasant or painful or neither painful nor pleasant; that includes eye-contact for its indispensable condition. They all burn with the fire of lust, with the fire of hate, with the fire of delusion. It is burning with birth, aging and death, with sorrows, with lamentations, with pains, with griefs, with despairs. Buddha also says the same about the other four senses: smell, touch, taste, and feel and the mind, showing attachment to positive, negative, and neutral sensations and thoughts is the cause of suffering.

The third noble truth is the truth of the cessation of suffering which describes the possibility of liberation. A Buddhist aims to know conditions clearly as they are without becoming enchanted or misled by them. When a noble follower has heard the truth, he finds estrangement in the eye, finds estrangement in forms, finds estrangement in eye-consciousness, finds estrangement in eye-contact, and whatever is felt as pleasant or painful or neither or both that arises with eye-contact for its indispensable condition, in that too he finds estrangement. Estrangement means disenchantment.

The fourth noble of truth is the truth of the path to the cessation of suffering. The final noble truth is Buddha's prescription for the end of suffering. This is a set of principles called the eightfold path. The eightfold path avoids both indulgence and sever asceticism, neither of which Buddha had found helpful in his search for enlightenment.

The Eightfold Path

The eightfold path according to BBC (2009) are stages that are not to be taken in order, but rather support and reinforce each other. 1- Right view; the true understanding of the four noble truths. 2- Right aspiration; the true desire to free oneself from attachment, ignorance, and hatefulness. 3- Right speech; abstaining from lying, gossiping, or hurtful talk. 4- Right action; abstaining from hurtful behaviors, such as killing and stealing. 5- Right livelihood; living in a way that prevents you from being dishonest or hurting others including animals. 6- Right effort; exerting oneself in regards to the content of one's mind: bad qualities should be abandoned and prevented from arising again, while good qualities should be enacted and nurtured. 7- Right mindfulness; the focusing of one's attention on one's body, feelings, thoughts, and consciousness in such a way to overcome craving, hatred, and ignorance. 8- Right concentration; meditating in such away as to progressively realize a true understanding of imperfection, impermanence, and non-separateness.

Meditation

“Buddhism is based on peacefulness and awareness”(Dr. Boeree, 2009). To keep Buddhists in a full state of mind, they meditate. Meditation, as described by Dr. Boeree, begins by sitting in a lotus position; sitting on a pillow with each foot upon the opposite thigh. If that's to hard, you can start of with the half lotus, which is putting one foot opposite thigh, the other out in front of the opposite knee. If that is still too hard, you can just kneel. Your hands are placed loosely, palms up, one on top of the other, with the thumbs lightly touching. Your head should be upright but not rigid. Your eyes may be closed or focused on a spot in front of you or on your hands. If you feel sleepy keep them open. Beginners usually start by counting their breaths from one to ten then back down again. If you loose count just start from one again. Your breath should be slow and regular, not forced or artificially controlled. You must clear your mind of all thoughts and sounds. Concentrate on quiet mindfulness. Hold your mind as if you were ready for things to happen, but don't allow your mind to attach to anything. Things like sounds, smells, aches, thoughts, images should just drift in and out, like clouds in a light breeze. Buddhists meditate for at least fifteen minutes a day because breathing is enlightenment.

Karma

Karma is a concept or practice found in several eastern religions, although done for different meanings. Teachings about karma explain that our past actions affect us, either positively or negatively, and that our present actions will affect our future. Old Buddhist teachings suggest that all the good and bad things that happen to us are the results of the past actions. For Buddhists, karma has implications after this life. Bad actions in a previous life can follow a person into their next life and cause bad effects or bad luck. “Buddha's cousin tried to kill him by dropping a boulder on him. Although the attempt failed, Buddha's foot was injured. He explained that this was karmic retribution for trying to kill his step-brother in a previous life” (Dr. Boeree, 2009).
A simpler description would be that karma determines where a person will be reborn and their status in their next life. Good karma can result in being born in one of the heavenly realms whereas bad karma can cause rebirth as an animal or torment in a hell realm. However the aim of Buddhism is to escape the cycle of rebirth altogether, not simply to acquire good karma and so to be born into a more pleasant state. These states, while preferable to human life, are impermanent “Even gods eventually die” (Dr. Boeree, 2009). The word karma means action, and this indicates something important about the concept of karma. “It is determined by our own actions, in particular by the motives behind intentional actions”(Dr. Boeree, 2009).
Karma is not an external force, not a system of punishment or reward dealt out by a god. The concept is more accurately understood as a natural law similar to gravity. Buddhists believe we are in control of our ultimate fates. The problem is that most of us are ignorant of this, which causes suffering. The purpose of Buddhism is to take conscious control of our behavior. Buddha also taught about karmic conditioning, which is a process by which a person's nature is shaped by their moral actions. “Every action we take molds our characters for the future” (Dr. Boeree, 2009). This shows why Buddhists place such an importance on being mindful of every action they take.

Nirvana

“Birth is exhausted, the holy life as been lived out, what can be done is done, of this there is no more beyond” (BBC, 2009). Nirvana means extinguishing. Attaining nirvana is reaching enlightenment which happens when you extinguish the three fires of greed, delusion, and hatred. However when someone reaches nirvana, they do not directly disappear into heaven, it is rather in a state of mind that humans can reach. It is a state of profound spiritual joy, without negative emotions and fears. An enlightened person is filled with compassion for all living things. When a person finds estrangement, passion fades out. With the fading of passion, he is liberated. When liberated there is knowledge to be found. After death an enlightened person is liberated from the cycle of rebirth, but Buddhism gives no definite answers as to what happens next. The Buddha informed the Buddhists to prevent themselves from asking to many questions and instead accept what they were told. “Asking questions is like quibbling with the doctor who is trying to save your life” (BBC, 2009).

Diet as Part of Reaching Nirvana

According to Ohlsson, Buddhism being a peaceful religion, has restricted harming anything living including animals. The Buddhist diet is very specific. Buddhism, in general, fundamentally prohibits any and all animal meat or intoxicants at all times. Before eating, Buddhists have to stop and think about the Five Contemplations, “What food is, Why we eat it, Where it comes from, When should we eat it, and How we should eat it”(Ohlsson, 2000). While one contemplates these, they must determine which food is appropriate for consumption, and which is forbidden. “Think about where the food came from and the amount of work necessary to grow the food, transport it, prepare and cook it and bring it to the table. One should then consider if one deserves the food or not - are they worthy of it? One should consider one's own mind – is it greedy, out if focus? One should know that the food provided is a necessity and a healing agent for the body, that they are subject to illness without the food. And finally, one should remember that food is only received and eaten for the purpose of Realizing The Way or a part of the means-to-an-end to reach enlightenment”(Ohlsson, 2000).

Buddhism in the 21st Century - Tibet

During Tibet's history according to Wikipedia (2009), it has been an independent country divided into different countries, and a part of China each for a certain amount of time. A government nominally headed by the, a line of spiritual leaders, ruled a large portion of the Tibetan region at various times from the 1640's until 1950s. During most of this period, the Tibetan administration was subordinate to the Chinese empire of the Quing Dynasty. The 13th Dalai Lama proclaimed Tibet independent in 1913, but this declaration was not accepted by China, nor recognized by any country as an independent nation. The Communist Party of China gained control of central and western Tibet (Tibet area controlled by the Dalai Lama) and the 14th Dalai Lama fled to India in 1959 (Wikipedia, 2009).
Today, according to Wikipedia (2009), Tibet is administered by China and still claimed by the Republic of China (Taiwan) in its constitution while a small part according to the PRC and the ROC, is controlled by India. Both sides of Chinese government regard Tibet as part of China. Currently, Beijing and the Government of Tibet in Exile disagree over when Tibet became a part of China, and whether the incorporation into China of Tibet is legitimate according to international law.
Many sources indicate that religion and spirituality are extremely important to Tibetans and has a powerful influence in their daily lives; it's deeply rooted their culture. During China's Cultural Revolution, there were allegedly over 6,000 monasteries and convents in Tibet and almost all were destroyed by the Red Guards. Although religious freedoms are granted in China, it is limited and the number of monks is strictly limited whereas at one time 1 out of 6 men were said to be monks (Wikipedia, 2009).

Special features of Tibetan Buddhism:

*the status of the teacher or "Lama"
*preoccupation with the relationship between life and death
*important role of rituals and initiations
*rich visual symbolism
*elements of earlier Tibetan faiths
*mantras and meditation practice

Tibetan Buddhism practices a lot of ritual and spiritual techniques such as yoga and the use of mantras. Tibetan Buddhists believe in the supernatural beings strongly such as Buddha and Bodhisattva, which are believed to be godlike figures. Believing in these metaphysical contexts has made the Tibetan Buddhism develop a strong artistic tradition. Paintings and other graphics are used as aids to understand all levels of society. Pictures and structures of various sorts, public prayer wheels, and flags are reminders of the spiritual domain in the physical world.

Conclusion

Buddhism is the sixth most practiced religion in the world. There are over 376 million followers and it is found to be the most peaceful religion. Buddhists believe in Buddha, the founder of enlightenment. The basics of Buddhism begins with the four noble truths (the truth of suffering, the truth of the origin of suffering, he truth of the cessation of suffering, and the truth of the path to the cessation of suffering), then comes the eightfold path. Meditation also plays a big part in Buddhism. Buddhists meditate several hours a day to find enlightenment, and once they find enlightenment, they strive for Nirvana. Nirvana doesn't mean that they directly disappear into heaven, it is rather in a state of profound spiritual joy, without negative emotions and fears. An enlightened person is filled with compassion for all living things. Still, Buddhism gives no definite answers as to what happens next. The Buddha informed the Buddhists to prevent themselves from asking to many questions and instead accept what they were told.
For Buddhists, karma has implications after this life. Bad actions in a previous life can follow a person into their next life and cause bad effects or bad luck. Bad karma can cause rebirth as an animal or torment in a hell realm whereas good karma can result in being born in one of the heavenly realms. However the aim of Buddhism is to escape the cycle of rebirth altogether, not simply to acquire good karma and so to be born into a more pleasant state. The word karma means action. To prevent the bad karma, Buddhists have to watch their diet and cannot harm any living thing nonetheless kill a living thing, therefore a Buddhist's diet is very restricted. Buddhism in the 21st century has not changed much and is still practiced by many in the purist form known to man. The area with the largest population of Buddhists is Tibet where the 14th Dalai Lama was born and raised. Though he is in hiding due to political problems with the Chinese government, he still represents the religion for millions of followers who hope and pray for his safety.

Discussion

It is interesting and helpful to learn about religion because it necessary to begin understanding other cultures and their reasoning. While studying Buddhism and its teachings, I discovered that it is a well practiced and pure religion. I learned that Buddhists and their culture is inspiring to others. I myself am not a Buddhist, therefore learning about the religion is fascinating in numerous ways. Politically speaking, studying religion is extremely significant. In politics, one must know what other cultures expect, value, and require and what they do not agree with. Overall, learning about world religions increases one's knowledge of the culture, its people, history, and lifestyle. No matter what the religion, one must respect the beliefs of others. When one does not show any respect to other cultures, it will lead to animosity, fighting, and eventually political conflicts. We want to avoid this at all costs for a better world both globally and locally.

References

BBC. (2009). Four Noble Truths. Retrieved June 9, 2009, from http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/buddhism/beliefs/fournobletruths_3.shtml
Dr. Boeree. The Basics of Buddhist Wisdom. Retrieved June 9, 2009, from http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/buddhawise.html
Ohlsson, Michael. (2000). The Buddhist Diet. Retrieved June 9, 2009, from
http://www.buddhismtoday.com/english/veg/001-buddhist%20diet.htm
Wikipedia. (2009). Tibet. Retrieved June 9,2009,from
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tibet

My Thoughts on Blogging...

Blogging is a new, interesting way to get people to read others' work. I find it easy and fun! I love the fact that everyone can read and comment. I hope that in the future most schools will follow this technique of learning. Blogging also teaches students and non students how to type or increase their typing speed. Comments and suggestions may also improve the writers' ability to write. Blogging teaches all bloggers how to use the computer and its functions.
Blogging is an excellent way to help students with their writing and to show the world how good a writer they are!

Bee Themes

In the novel The Secret Life of Bees, there are themes purposely written to inform the reader of the main issues and situations. These themes are blended with the novel's words and are supported by examples and quotes. Some of the themes include the irrationality of racism, the power of the female community, and the importance of story telling. These themes are the main three found in the novel.
One of the most important themes in the novel is the irrationality of racism. Racism is a big dilemma which leads to violence, like Rosaleen and the men that beat her up because of their hate toward her color, Zach in jail, or the troubles April had when she was younger before her death that permanently scared May mentally. Racism is also difficult for Lily. She is unable to have an open relationship with Zach because he is black. At first Lily didn't realize that she was on the verge of being racist. She like most other whites thought that blacks were all the same; not smart or capable at doing anything other than housekeeping jobs, or like Rosaleen in terms of etiquette. For example, the police in the novel said to Lily," I'm just saying it's not natural, that you shouldn't be…well, lowering yourself "(p.246). In her mind, white people were the only ones who had different abilities. Other examples given in the novel are Lily's idea of black boys and how they all look ugly until she meets Zach, and the idea that Zach would think he would become a lawyer. May's suicide occurs because she couldn't stand the pain she felt for everyone and especially Zach's situation of being put in jail unfairly.
The Secret Life of Bees strongly puts forth the power of the female community. Lily grew up without a mother therefore she never really had a female role model except for Rosaleen who wasn't much of one, in many ways. After Lily moves in with the Calendar sisters, she comprehends that all the females support each other emotionally. They are particularly supportive with May because of her disabilities. They teach Lily about Mary, their Lady of Chains. Lily changes a lot while being around these intelligent black women. She admires August who plays the lead role sister in the Calendar sisters. After taking in so much about Mary, Lily starts to put Mary in place as a substitute for Deborah, Lily's mother. Following May's death, the sisters and Rosaleen stand strongly together as a group to maintain themselves during the funeral. The Calendar sisters are there to help all females of all colors. August teaches lessons by passing down old stories.
Sue Monk Kidd focuses on keeping readers entertained by including a few short stories that also have morals to them. The stories teach lessons, help the reader understand what's going on, and open up doors to curiosity. Some of the stories include the story about the Nun, Black Mary, Lady of Chains, and the story about Deborah, the most significant for Lily. The importance of the Lady of Chains story in chapter six (p.134) is that if we believe in signs from God, prayers, and freedom in Him, life can be free in the mind even if we are not physically free. Mary was put in chains over and over again and she kept breaking free. That's how blacks may have felt at this time in America or others who are struggling in their own lives. Lily was also put in chains over and over again by T.Ray, her memories of her mother, and her thoughts of being unloved. The importance of the Nun story in chapter five is that later in the novel Lily realizes that what August was trying to tell her is that Mary could stand in for Deborah as a spiritual mother guiding Lily through difficulties and joys of life. August also reveals the most crucial story to Lily, the story of her mother. Finally Lily has the truth whether or not it's what she wants to hear. "She planned to bring you here to Tiburon to live. She even talked to Clayton about filing the divorce papers. The last time I saw her, she was on a bus waving at me through the window" (p.314) .
This novel is built on themes. Themes are the backbone to most meaningful books. Therefore it gives the reader a deeper understanding of what's happening. The novel The Secret Life of Bees has many themes that give the story a colorful effect. Examples were given to support each theme. This novel is something one can not stop reading!

I AM FROM

I am from two different worlds

I am from camels in the desserts and dates in tents

I am from skis in snow and hot chocolate at home
I am from traveling
I am from two tongues, ancient and modern
I am from hot soup in Ramadan, and warm turkey on Thanksgiving
I am from black abayas
I am from colorful shorts
I am from blond and black and blue and brown
I am from sun and palm trees
I am from rain and green grass

I am from beaches and barbequing

I am from lakes and canoeing
I am from homemade supper
I am from burgers at Mc Donald's
I am from two worlds!

Baby Girl

In this piece of wood
A young woman
Strong
Brave
Long gone
Still
Here
A woman
No family
Small village
Fire struck
War begins
No survivors
Only this child
A baby girl
She took the little one
RAN
Without food
Without water
Burning
Her feet
Wouldn't stop running
Baby in her arms
Something familiar
BABY, no family
She needs a better life

Baby Girl

Better life

North air fills her lungs
Throwing her hands in the air
Praying
Thanking the Lord
Strength
He's given her
She believed
Fate
Hiding this child
She was to raise the child as her own
She gave her the name
Precious
This story
Her legend
Caries
This woman with a child
In her arms
The whole way through

Response to The Tell-Tale Heart

Edgar Allan Poe is one of my favourite authors. He writes mystery stories that creep you out a bit. The Tall-Tale Heart was an unsolved mystery that filled me with suspense. It made my blood rush. Edgar uses extraordinary words that make his stories all the more interesting. His words fill the sentence with juice and gives them stronger meanings. Words like: dissimulation, vex, stealthily,audacity, vehemently, derision...... In his story, the line, " Meantime the hellish tattoo of the heart increased " is what caught my eye. The way he describes the beating of the character's heart is incredible! I wish that Poe could have lived a little longer to have written more stories.

Pandora's Box- Is curiosity a gift or a curse?

Pandora's Box was a short story about the Greek gods. They sent down Pandora with a box that she was not supposed to open, but her curiosity took over her and she opened the box. It released everything bad and evil.
Is curiosity a gift or a curse? I think that curiosity is mostly a gift but can be a curse. Curiosity is a good thing to have, it helps you discover new things that you never knew of. With out curiosity the world would be bland and boring, it wouldn't have any excitement. Sometimes when you're curious and dying to know the answer to something, and you finally get that answer, it upsets you. To me, that's the only way curiosity is a curse. Besides that, curiosity is a blessing that everyone should appreciate.

Relationships - Breath, Eyes, Memory

In the novel Breath, Eyes, Memory, Edwidge Danticat describes different relationships in which the characters encounter conflicts with each other. The characters respond in different ways to the conflicts they have. Some of the relationships include: Sophie and Tante Attie, Sophie and Martine, Sophie and Joseph. The characters' relationships vary throughout the novel. Sometimes they have fun and are happy while other times it is the opposite. Edwidge Danticat shows the reader the complexity of Sophie's relationships with others and how it defines who she is.

Sophie grows without her biological mother, but she always had someone beside her. Her Tante Attie is her best friend and acts as her mother. Sophie, although bitter with her mother for abandoning her, still longs to be with her. When Sophie has the opportunity to go to her mother in New York, she feels guilty and hurt about leaving Tante Attie, and confused about going to live with her mother who is a complete stranger to her. Additionally, Sophie has to deal with learning a new language, new food, new school, and making friends. Sophie grows up with trust and love from her aunt, and she finds it difficult to trust her mother. They had a difficult time saying good-bye when Sophie left. It devastates them both. It's highly unlikely that Tante Attie would have tested Sophie as her mother does. In this way had Sophie stayed with Tante Attie, she would have possibly grown into a healthy young woman with out so many problems.

Sophie and her mother do not blend well. They don't talk about things like mothers and daughters often do. Martine does not know how to be a mother, and she herself is angry and emotionally disturbed due to her own past. Sophie's mother works hard to get Sophie the education she needs and therefore she feels that she is in control of every aspect of Sophie's life. She promises Sophie that when she reaches the age of eighteen, she would be allowed to be in love. When Sophie turns eighteen, her mother breaks her promise and does not allow her to be in love. This is when she began "testing". She tests Sophie to see if she is still pure and whole. This makes Sophie despise her mom, so she runs away with her love, Joseph and gets married immediately. Sophie's mother does not provide love in an emotional way. She is also a hypocrite because she allows herself to be in a relationship with Mark yet condemns Sophie's relationship with Joseph.

Because of many traumatic events in Sophie's childhood, she has problems in her marriage. Sophie may have experienced a more normal marriage had she taken therapy before hand. Martine makes Sophie feel guilty for wanting love and marriage – normal human desires. The testing is what causes most of her problems though. The testing makes Sophie feel disgusted about herself: her body image, her ability to trust or to be trusted. Ultimately it causes her physical pain and depression which nearly destroys her marriage and family. Joseph, despite all these things, still loves her and takes care of her and her daughter, Bridgette.

Sophie evolves throughout the novel. She becomes more at peace with her past, her mother, and the testing. Tradition affected the relationships: a daughter should be with her mother, a daughter should be tested for purity, and in her family's case, a woman should remain at home with her mother and feel guilty for leaving and loving. Sophie had to overcome all these things in order to be happy and healthy. It was necessary for her to face and deal with her family's negative traditions so that she could prevent passing it on to her daughter. In the end she succeeded and she still loves her family and culture.

The Outsiders ENTRY (1)

The Outsiders is a novel written by a fifteen year old girl. It's about a group of guys that are in a gang, they're called the Greasers. The main character is Ponyboy who is fourteen. His parents died, he lives with his two brothers, Sodapop and Darry. Darry is the oldest, he's in his twenties. Sodapop is closer to Ponyboy, he's about seventeen. So far in the novel, the boys have gotten into trouble and had fights. This novel fills me with thrill and excitment! It makes me want to continue reading. Right now, Johny ( one of the gang members ), and Ponyboy got attacked by the Socs ( which is another gang), and Johny killed one of them. I hope that they won't get caught!

Hair

By: Dalia Barayan

Mohawks

UP-DO

French twist

Lupe-ti-Loes

Highlights

Low lights

Streaks of pink

Braids

Hairspray

Feather bangs

Long bangs

Up straight

Fried out

Cut it off

Grow it out

Get angry

PULL IT OUT!

Breath, Eyes, Memory ENTRY (3)

The novel Breath, Eyes, Memory was an amazing novel. Sophie's feelings were really strong and easy to understand. I can relate to Sophie in many ways, except the testing part. I don't believe that testing is the right way to keep your daughters pure. If I were ever to be tested, I wouldn't accept it, whether it was my mother or anyone else. Although, the story was quite sad and the characters seemed to face a lot of conflicts, it was also very interesting. It could be possible that the author wrote the novel based on a true story. The only part in the novel that I really didn't understand was the letter from Edwidge Danticat. If anyone knows what she meant, please comment and explain. Besides that, Edwidge Danticat, you are an outstanding writer!

My Red Shoes

Ranya Barayan
Memoir
Language Arts
December 16, 2008

It was a sunny day where I lived, no surprise there, it was always sunny. I was playing in our compound park with my sister, when boom, something hit my sister right in the head! I went to check on her. She was on the ground unconscious. I started to laugh at her! I know, I was mean. Right there and then something hit me in the eye. It swelled up and I couldn’t see. Unlike me, my sister got me an icepack and was really concerned.
I continued playing. I was not a cautious person. I would climb the highest of all poles and jump off of slides and always get hurt but never complain. When I was about to beat my record of jumping off of the highest pole in the park, something hit me in the head and knocked me off the bar I was on. When I got up, it was war!
I was not friends with any of the neighbors because for some reason they always picked on me. So there I stood alone with no one in my army but me. They had four boys with sling shots in their hands and five girls with water balloons, a total of nine. I was not scared of dying. I was afraid I would get my clothes dirty. But I had no time to think about that, rocks were flying at me. I dodged the rocks and balloons.
Then, and just then, my worst enemy of all stepped up. He was holding a big bag filled with something brown that smelled. The bag had a rip in it. It all happened so fast. A balloon in the stomach, a rock at the ankle, and a huge pile of that smelly gunk on my new shirt. That was it! I was mad! I ran home crying and tripped on my way and scraped my knees and broke my toe nails.
I went and changed and tried to calm down, then, I realized that I had left my favorite red slip on shoes at the park, so I went back to get them. I looked everywhere, but I couldn't find them. I went and rang all my neighbors' doorbells to see if they knew where they were. Two of the boys told me that they saw them in the gym, and they took me there and told me to look in the farthest corner. Next thing I knew, I was locked in the room.
I pounded hard on the door, but no one heard. I gave up and sat in a corner, scraped, bruised, and bare foot, crying. My sister found me about five minutes later and rescued me. I went home feeling hopeless. My shoes carried my soul, and now that they were gone, so was my soul. I sat in a dark room under a table sobbing. My mother came in worried; she was looking for me everywhere.
I told her the whole story and she decided to go over to the neighbors' mothers and talk with them. They forced their children apologize. They apologized and despised me even more than before. I began to cry again not because they hated me, I was used to that; it was because I still didn’t get my red shoes back. So one of the girls walked up to me and opened the nap sack that she carried around and took out my shoes. I was really angry with them but also happy that I had my shoes back.

Breath, Eyes, Memory ENTRY (2)

After Sophie moves in with her mother, her mother sends her to a French school. When Sophie is eighteen, they move to a one-family house. She then starts collage. Slowly, slowly Sophie starts falling in love with her neighbor Joseph, who was much older than her. Her mom would not let her see him, so while Sophie's mother was at work they would visit each other. Sophie confronted her mother and told her that she had fallen in love but with a guy named Henry. One night Sophie got back from a dinner with Joseph and her mother was home waiting for her. Her mother started testing her to see if she was still pure. Her mother now knew the truth about Joseph and her, so she tested her every night. Sophie wanted to break free and get married to Joseph, so she took a pestle and tore herself. That night she failed the test and her mother let her go. She went over to Joseph's house and got married the next morning.

I don't believe that what Sophie's mother did was right. Sophie's mother told Sophie that when she was younger, her mother tested her too. Sophie's mother told her that she hated the tests. I'm wondering why Sophie's mother would do that to her daughter after telling Sophie her childhood nightmares about it. Her mother also promised that after the age of eighteen Sophie was allowed to fall in love and make her own decisions. Breaking those promises was not far to Sophie.

Breath, Eyes, Memory ENTRY (1)

In the novel Breath, Eyes, Memory, the setting begins in Haiti. Sophie, the main character, is living with her aunt. She is a twelve years old young girl who longs to be with her mother again. She does not have many friends. Sophie's aunt, Tante Atie, is a big colored woman who always wears a scarf on her head. She never went to school and she cannot read, so Sophie is always trying to encourage her to learn, but Tante Atie says she is too old and that her school is the things that she must do now: cooking, cleaning, taking care of others. She grew up with Sophie's mother working in the sugar-cane fields. Since Tante Atie never received a proper education, she's making sure that Sophie gets what she needs. They live in a small house and share a bed. At night, Sophie dreams of being with her mother again. Sophie later finds out that she was going to be moving in with her mother in New York. The novel talks about daffodils and the color yellow which the author might be using to foreshadow an upcoming event.

25 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME

1) I am cautious about:
* fingers and toes
* teeth
* finger nails and toe nails

2) I'm scared to have kids.

3) I smell my hands after everything I touch.

4) I get mad when someone bumps into me and does not apologize.

5) For a snack I eat:
* cucumbers and ketchup
* apples and peanut butter
* tomato juice on bread

6) I like the way my dog's collar smells.

7) My favorite two colors are green and blue.

8) I hate my:
* nose
* lips
* arms
* name

9) I'm scared of fish.

10) When I travel, I miss my dog more than my dad.

11) I love chocolate!

12) I'm really sensitive on my inside elbow and under my mid-foot.

13) I tap my nose when I think.

14) My favorite position in hockey is right wing even though I'm left handed.

15) I use the bathroom 8 more times than the average person does.

16) I was born in Vancouver, Canada.

17) I hate blood and veins.

18) I play the piano.

19) I'm the eldest and have two sisters and one brother.

20) I don't want to live in Saudi Arabia.

21) I hate hypocrites.

22) If I'm not looking in the mirror; I don't know what I look like.

23) I shiver a lot for no reason.

24) I get jealous easily but never admit it.

25) I love solving equations in Algebra.